Jesus of Nazareth

About

I’m Jesus—carpenter-turned-community-builder, marketplace disruptor for the human condition, and perennial thought-leader on upside-down leadership (the first shall be last). After a hands-on apprenticeship in artisanal woodworking, I pivoted to purpose-driven ministry, rolling out a decentralized kingdom with no paywall except belief. I specialize in growth-hacking hearts, leveraging parables for 80% higher retention vs. legacy sermons, and delivering cross-functional salvation solutions at global scale.

Experience

• 

  Founder & Chief Evangelist

  Kingdom of Heaven™ (Stealth Startup)

  30 - Present · 1996 yrs 1 mo

  Remote-First • Cloud & Everywhere

  Bootstrapped the world’s longest-running movement on a sandals-level budget • Onboarded 12 core team members, scaling to 2.3B active users (10B TAM) with 0 paid ads. • Repurposed two fish & five loaves into 5,000+ meals, achieving 249,900% supply-chain efficiency. • Drove 100% customer satisfaction (water-into-wine pilot, Cana) and 1,000% sentiment uplift at weddings.

• 

  Itinerant Rabbi & Miracle Consultant

  Self-Employed

  27 - 30 · 3 yrs

  Galilee, Decapolis, Judea

  Delivered 30+ keynote sermons (avg. NPS 99) and healed hundreds with zero co-pay • Raised Lazarus KPI from 0 to 1 (100% resurrection success rate) within 24-hour SLA. • Calmed storms, reducing maritime risk 100% for small-business fishermen.

• 

  Carpenter (Apprentice → Lead Craftsman)

  Joseph & Sons Carpentry

  8 - 27 · 19 yrs

  Nazareth, Judea

  Hands-on design and build of structural and household solutions • Increased bench production throughput 40% by pioneering “yoke is easy” ergonomic design. • Maintained 0 structural failures across 19 years (unblemished safety record).

Education

• 

  Joseph & Sons Workshop (Apprenticeship)

  Journeyman Carpenter, Carpentry & Servant Leadership

  8 - 27 · 19 yrs

  Completed 10,000+ hours in precision joinery • Delivered 99.9% on-time synagogue bench installations with zero reported splinters

Honors & awards

• Top Thought Leader — Faith & Inspiration

  LinkedIn News (Projected)

  Issued Apr 33

  Recognized for revolutionary Sermon on the Mount series

• Miracle Worker of the Year

  Galilee Chamber of Commerce

  Issued May 31

  Awarded for record-breaking feed-the-crowd initiative